“Nobody likes you.”
I heard those words so many times growing up, that they formed a deep-rooted limiting belief in my mind. I’ve had to fight off the self-doubt that belief has created at every major step in my life.
I think most of us have at least one primary limiting belief that cuts us off at our knees the moment we feel like we’re about to make a big leap. Those messages we’ve received, whatever form they’ve taken, create a whisper of self-doubt just strong enough to keep us from going for the greatness that we know is inside. (Sometimes it’s more of a shout than a whisper.)
Every time we set a goal and get close to achieving it, that self-doubt rears its head, and the familiar voices enter:
“Nobody likes you.”
“Who are you to think you can do this?”
“You don’t have what it takes.”
“It’s not worth the risk.”
“You’ll fail and make a fool out of yourself.”
“Why do you always think you need MORE?”
“You’re a fraud.”
Sometimes we’re able to push through the thoughts, if we’re in a strong mood or have the right people around us to give us a pep-talk. But sometimes we’re not able to push them away, and they scare us out of that next step.
What if there was a way to silence them for good? What if there was a way to REPLACE them with facts so they completely lose their power?
We all have limiting beliefs. And while mantras and pep-talks are useful in the moment, until we REPLACE those limiting beliefs with FACTS, they will still hold power over us.
So how do we replace the limiting beliefs?
Do me a favor. Take out a pen and a scrap piece of paper. Write the first 5 words that pop into your head that your best friend would use to describe your best traits, the qualities about you that people have complimented over the years. Don’t over-think. Just write.
Here are the things I hear most often about myself. I am:
Authentic
Approachable
Empathetic
Fearless
Driven
Of course, my mind wants to argue with a couple of these, especially the “fearless” one, but those arguments are coming from the exact same limiting beliefs that try to keep me stuck. No, I’m not fearless all the time, but these qualities describe me in my BEST state. My TRUE state.
See, just like our physical appearance, we are our own worst critics. We will overlook 99 good things and focus on that one thing that drives us nuts about ourselves.
But our closest friends see the whole picture. They see us as we truly are.
So look back at your list now. What 5 adjectives did you come up with? What 5 words describe the highest and best you.
Do your friends say you’re kind? Creative? Funny? Smart? Strong? Loving?
Not what YOU see, but what THEY see. Because they see you WITHOUT the cloud of self-doubt.
Now, consider your primary limiting belief about yourself. The one that always pops up right when you’re feeling ready to tackle a big goal. The one that causes the self-doubt that talks you out of it more times than not.
Write that limiting belief beneath your list of 5 adjectives.
Now, consider this: Which one is based on FACTS. Not the voices from the past of people who may not have had your best interest in mind, but the people who KNOW YOU BEST.
I’ll use mine again for clarity: Is it possible that NOBODY likes me AND I’m authentic, approachable, empathetic, fearless and driven?
See, both can’t be true. That limiting belief is in direct contrast to the FACTS of who we truly are.
Really think about this. Take a few minutes and look at your list. Absorb those words. Let them fill you up. THOSE words are the truth about who you are AT YOUR CORE. The limiting belief has no factual basis. It’s based on fear, not facts.
Take those adjectives and program them as a reminder into your phone to go off every morning after you wake up. Write them anywhere you will see them at times when your limiting belief tends to take over. OWN those words. And every time the self-doubt comes up, re-read your list of traits, and remember which is based on FACTS.
Yes, we can fight off the limiting thoughts in the moment with mantras or pep-talks, but by putting in the work to RE-TRAIN our minds to focus on the TRUTH of who we are, we can move toward silencing the beliefs for good.
Xx Jen
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